Dear young men of America,
In ten to fifteen years, I will have raised four young men to help save America from itself. But they and their friends aren’t old enough right now to help us in the way we need, so I beg you to act on their behalf, and on behalf of desperate humans everywhere.
We need you to take all of that “Let’s Go, Brandon” energy and deploy it en masse in every grocery store, mall, restaurant, school, and public place. How do I want you to fight? With humour. Extreme humor and iron cojones are an extremely effective response to petty bullies. We don’t have enough of it, and you’re right to deploy more of it into the lives of Americans.
Now that the Centers for Disease Control is admitting what Twitter, Facebook and YouTube have banned sitting members of Congress from suggesting – that cloth masks really aren’t effective against viruses several times smaller than their tissue holes — do you know what will happen next? No, we will not be freed from our cloth cages, but forced to choke ourselves and our children even harder with N95 masks that perpetuate an irrational fear about a virus that most of us have had and we all have to learn to live with it like the flu.
This is where the amazing young American men come in. We need your innate sense of humor and irreverent youthful energy to be deployed to poke fun at Covid madness to the extreme. It may be that only you can save us now.
Here’s what America needs you to do: Wear totally outrageous “safety” gear outside in public as a prank with a dot. Don’t just put on the “more normal” looking N95s. Get your hands on things that look like this:
Go to public places decorated like this as if you were serious. If you want to have more fun, ask people if they’re vaccinated before talking to them. Wear a pole clearly marked “Six Feet” and use it (without violence, of course) to make sure people keep their proper distance.
It wouldn’t hurt if you added Darth Vader sound effects while you wear them in public. Or complete the headgear with a bodysuit. Something like that – that people actually wore. Some still wear that stuff, no kidding.
You don’t have to spend very little money for this. Definitely don’t buy a real hazmat suit. The goal is to bring the hysteria to its clearly ridiculous end point. You can carry a snorkel and bin bags with tape. The goal is to provoke laughter by being extreme. This is an illustration of the absurdity of all Covid theater.
In early 2020, I saw a man at the grocery store who had covered himself in black trash bags. He was not the only one.
While it’s understandable that people took extreme measures in March 2020 when we didn’t know what was going on, things have changed. We now know a lot about Covid, including that many early fears about it are simply wrong.
Despite this knowledge, however, many powerful people try to maintain irrational, unscientific hysteria because it gives them more power. Carrying trash bags and snorkels to prevent Covid is as obviously insane as having children wear a mask at school or inject them with experimental drugs even though their Covid risk is essentially zero.
Reasoning with people, however, clearly didn’t work. Where reason can’t work, humor can. So rather than trying to get people to change their minds, make them laugh at Covid hysteria.
In doing so, they will also mock themselves, our entire society, and the entire world, to make us look like creepy idiots whose mass hysteria not only saved additional lives and human well-being, but actually sacrificed such things. .
Is it worth it. Besides, it will be fun. Please, young men of America, save us.